3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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