fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
