we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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