That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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