ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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