What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
