Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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