so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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