guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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