Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize