I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize