Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
