You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
