I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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