ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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