This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
