shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
