I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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