that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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