Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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