Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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