i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
