You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
