you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
