I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
