Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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