I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
