The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize