I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
