turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
