How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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