Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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