Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
