Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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