Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
