so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
