you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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