FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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