Just cropdusted the office
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize