He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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