Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
