i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
