It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
