I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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