dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
