no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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