There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
