im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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