Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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