this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize