pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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