Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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