I feel great
I just peed on a car
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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