i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
