Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
