Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
