She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
