I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
