why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
