So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
