I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
