There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
