I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
