wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
is it fun? or sober?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
