end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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