i just had sex bonerless
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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