You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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