i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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