I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
