i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
