Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
