Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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