Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
