i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
