Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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