I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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